Chapter Four

Chapter Four: Outside the Glass

Familiars
Well-rested and as relaxed as can be expected, given the magnitude of the next step in their debut process, the Crumpets kicked off their other-side promotions with an interview on Radio-Z. Now, as you know, the Crumpets mini-album had been released only a few weeks prior. Nonetheless, the radio stations around Zeitgeist had been giving the girls’ songs a fair bit of air-time, and the Elpoeps really seemed to like what they were hearing. Not only were they getting many on-line ‘thumbs-ups and hearts,’ but the Crumpets’ album was also selling quite well so they went to Radio-Z armed with the knowledge that the positive reaction they received on campus wasn’t solely due to the love of their schoolmates.

Their interview was arranged for Saturday afternoon, and about twenty minutes before the girls were scheduled to leave for Radio-Z, Dean Eobseo came over to Crumpet Hall to meet with them. Gathered in the TV area, the Dean began by telling them that he would be traveling separately to the radio station because he would have to leave before their interview even started.

“You’re not going to be with us?” Sarah asked, with a twinge of panic.

“No, but I wouldn’t have been in the booth with you anyway. You will be fine. I will be there to get you started, and I will be listening to the broadcast.”

“Okay, I guess,” Sarah pouted in reply.

Dean Eobseo smiled and shot her a proper 'heart' sign.

Sarah rolled her eyes and snarcastically said, “I guess we can’t be number one on your radar all of the time,” which she followed up with a return ‘heart’ sign and a smile.

This minor issue aside, the Dean asked how his stars were feeling about the interview.

“We are pretty excited, but is it usual to have to go to a radio interview two hours early?” Analey asked.

“As this is your other-side debut promotion, and it is your rookie year, there are a few more hoops to jump through than there usually will be,” the Dean answered, adding, “There are lots of photos and videos to be taken, which is why you had to get all dressed up. Once you are through your rookie year, you can be a bit more casual at radio interviews.”

“Can we wear sweats?” Tinsley asked.

“That all depends on what your public image is, or what you want it to be. In general, no,” he replied.

“Tinsley, you don’t even wear sweats,” Tabitha chimed in. “Where would you wear a bow if you did?”

With out-of-place sureness, Tinsley answered, “Oh, I don’t want to wear sweats. I was just curious. Anyway, I could wear a bow in my hair."

Tabby batted back, “I thought you said that hair bows don’t count.”

To which Tinsley simply said, “I did,” and sat back confidently as if she had won the argument.

“You are one weird girl,” Tabitha stated snarcastically.

“I know,” Tinsley replied, as she threw an aptly named throw pillow at her.

With the matter settled, it was, according to Bess, “Time to load-em-up!”

Even though full-size Harey wouldn’t be going, they took one of the school's bigger buses to Radio-Z, so that the student press could tag along. The Crumpets and their entourage headed Downtown (a whopping four blocks away). Upon their arrival, they were surprised to find a group of fans waiting for them. Naturally many of the fans were students but, and much to the girls’ delight, there were also quite a few Elpoeps.

As they peered out through the bus’s dark-tinted windows, Analey remarked, “Maybe they aren’t here for us. Maybe they cheered when they saw the bus, because they thought we were someone else, someone important.”

At that very moment, several of the fans held up signs that read things like, “I’m a little Gothy,” and “We Love Crumpets.”

“Huh, it looks like they are here for us,” Kari observed, adding, “Now I guess we should give our fans a name.”

The matter of naming their fans seemed like rather a big deal, but they didn’t have much time to think of one now, and they had never discussed it, because it felt like bad luck to name a fan base you didn't yet have.

“It seems like most fan base names are a spin-off of the idol group name, like Girl's Day fans are ‘Daisies.’ But then again, there are ones that aren’t obvious, like AOA fans being called ‘Elvis’,” Sarah said, as she contemplated the issue.

“I would say that we call them ‘Crumpsters,’ but then again, that just sounds grumpy,” Analey said.

Tinsley then asked, “Are we even supposed to give them a name, or is the tradition that they name themselves?”

They thought about texting Jimmy, whom they were sure would know the answer, but he was in the middle of DJ-ing his own radio show, and probably wouldn’t be able to get back to them right away.

“I am thinking that, since Harey is our mascot, our fans could be named something like ‘Bunnies,’ but we should probably ask them what they want. Regardless, they look a bit chilly, so we should get out there and meet them,” Tabitha said, rallying her mates.

Turning to get off of the bus, the girls were a bit startled to find that their path was blocked by the student press, who had been eagerly absorbing every bit of their fan-naming discussion.

“Oh, hi!” Yulia squeaked, as she was closest to them.

Since these were their friends, their discussion wasn't anything that they needed to worry about. Regardless, it was a good illustration of the fact that they would now be on public display anytime they set foot out of Crumpet Hall, or moreover, the LGC, and that they needed to be very cautious about what they said and did. Fortunately, none of the girls were ever terribly bothered by this limitation. At any rate, the student press quickly cleared the way for the Crumpets to leave the bus, where they were greeted by their enthusiastic fans.

After a frenzy of hand-shaking and giving the fans a chance to settle down a bit, Tabitha addressed the group.

“Thank you all for coming out here and braving this unseasonably cold weather,” she said before asking, “Now, we are wondering how we should address you?”

At this point, Dean Eobseo emerged from the crowd with someone familiar, yet unknown. “I think I have the answer to your question,” he said, as he moved with his guest into the line of Crumpets. “Ladies, let me introduce to you the president of your official fanbase, Ava Jaydee.”

The Crumpets had no idea what was going on, but they all greeted Ava warmly, at which point they realized that they recognized her from the front row of their second show. (She had led some of the fanchants.)

“I didn’t know we had an official fanbase!” Tabitha exclaimed, looking to the Dean for clarification.

He explained, “We weren’t expecting this to happen so quickly, but you already have a group of ardent fans, who came to me, asking about forming a fan group. One thing led to another, and, well, here we are.” He then looked at Ava and said, “Would you like to do the honors?”

Ava blushed a bit, and addressed the Crumpets, “Last night, we held our first full meeting, where we voted to name ourselves 'Familiars,’ You know, like a witch's cat.”

Someone then shouted from the crowd, “We also elected you as president!”

Ava partly hid her face behind her hands and said, “Oh yea, and they elected me as president.”

“‘Familiars,’ how cute and perfect!” Yulia gushed. “But how did you know about us, especially enough to have lead fanchants?” she posed to Ava.

“Well, I own the flower shop down the street, so I see a lot of the LG students and faculty. I signed up to receive information on events at the LGC, and ended up winning tickets to your first show,” Ava replied, adding, “The next day, I was having coffee across the street, and overheard some students talking about your show at the amphitheater. Long-story-short, a very nice student named Jimmy hooked me up with tickets to the second show. As to the fanchant, since we were only chanting your names, it was easy to figure out what to chant. So I just thought that I would get some of the Elpoeps around me in on the act.”

Yulia high-fived Ava, saying, “Madam President, you rock!”

There was a bit of a pause and then, in flawless synchronization, the Crumpets began prancing and cheering, “Saranghae Familiars, Saranghae Familiars” to the crowd.

They then surrounded poor Ava and regaled her with the “Neoreul Saranghae" song. Realizing that this was rather overwhelming for their new president, Tabitha broke the circle, turning it into a line dance through the crowd of Familiars. Kari was last in the line and didn’t realize what Tabitha was trying to do, so she grabbed Ava by the hand and dragged her along.

Making matters all the worse for Ava, Kari shouted back to her, “Grab Bess and Enid! They need to come too!”

Despite having never met either of the managers, Ava pulled them along with her, quickly finding her new job to be both fun and terrifying.

The girls danced through the crowd, looping back to Dean Eobseo, whom they surrounded and harassed for a bit. Fortunately, the radio station had good windows and they were aware that this little event was going to happen, so there were no noise complaints.

Once things had calmed down a bit, Dean Eobseo explained that the reason he wasn’t going to stay for the interview was that he, Ava, and a few of the Familiars needed to go to the school’s legal offices to sign some paperwork (when you are Victor Eobseo your attorneys are available 24/7). With that, he headed out to get some things ready so that Ava and the required Familiars could stay for a bit and continue to enjoy the excitement.

This particular fan meeting would be the one that the Crumpets would remember most; not only was it their first, but there were also quite a few people there who would follow the girls for a very long time. Through the years, the Crumpets and their fans would become rather close, and they were always mutually supportive. For example, in this instance, the Crumpets received a boost to their confidence, and in return, Tabitha asked if Bess and Enid would have some coffee, hot cocoa, and pastries delivered to the fans from the coffee shop across the street. Tabby was a bit nervous about making this decision, as it would cost a fair bit, but the fans had stood in the chilly air for quite a while, and she wanted to keep them from catching colds.

When Dean Eobseo found out about what she had done, he was anything but upset. In fact, he ruffled her hair, and said, “That’s my girl.”

At any rate, the Crumpets thoroughly enjoyed their meeting with their fans, and the LG student press got many great photos and video clips that made the Crumpets look and feel like a well-seasoned and successful group. Before they knew it, the time had come for their interview. Bidding the Familiars farewell, they made their way into the radio station.

Radio-Z
The girls were escorted into a slick, ultra-modern-looking sound room, where they were introduced to the show’s host, Norad-Z. He was very nice, albeit a bit scruffy, and mysterious as he always wore sunglasses. Regardless, he was very easy going, and told them to call him NZ.

A round of introductions and handshakes were followed by Tabitha rolling the die to determine the personal introduction order. Just so you know, the personal introductions during one’s rookie year or when entering a new market are the usual, "Hi, I am so-and-so," with a little something extra added to help people learn who is who in the group. In this case, Yulia’s name came up first, which made her a bit nervous, but she figured that at least it was radio, and no one would see her face if she made a mistake. In reality, there were cameras everywhere, and sooner or later, all of it would end up on the internet — something she wouldn’t realize until after it was all over.

At any rate, once they were seated around a big table, they were offered drinks while their microphones and headsets were adjusted, and NZ went over some technical details while he sat down and got himself ready.

After a block of songs (Gothy Crumpets’ songs, of course) and some commercials, NZ’s mic went hot and he began talking. “That was ‘Bibity-Bobity-Boo,’ ‘Luna,’ and ‘Gothy Crumpets,’ which are all by today’s special guests, the Gothy Crumpets. Welcome to the Zone ladies, please say hello to our Radio-Z listeners,” he said, and signaled them to say their bit.

All of the girls recited, “Hello, we are the Gothy Crumpets.”

“Hi, I am Yulia, a main dancer, choreographer, and redhead,” she said, without issue.

They were off to a good start, but that changed quickly as Sarah went next, and made a nervous mistake.

“Hi, I’m Sarah, a main vocalist, music director, and the group’s badass.”

She was supposed to say that she was the group’s maknae (youngest), not their badass. Bess and Enid gasped, Sarah turned two shades of pink, and the other Crumpets giggled wildly. Analey was to be next, but she had been blowing a bubble when Sarah made her little slip-up, causing her to laugh and pop the bubble all over her face.

Despite laughing, Kari slid in while Analey worked on cleaning her face, saying, “Annyeong (pronounced ‘ann-young’), I am Kari, the group’s anchor, lyrics director, and pirate.”

Naturally what she was supposed to say was “pilot,” and no, her saying “pirate” was not an accent issue, of which she has very little. She actually said pirate probability because they had just celebrated International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

At any rate, Tinsley was up next and rather than saying anything about Kari’s mistake she just went on with her own personal introduction. “Hi, I am Tinsley, visual director, face of the group, and illustrator,” she said flawlessly.

Analey was now ready to speak, “Hello, my name is Analey. I am the group's fashion director, a main dancer, and habitual bubble blower.”

Tabitha, owing to luck of the draw, went last. “Hi, I am Tabitha, a main vocalist, and the leader of the Gothy Crumpets. And, NZ, I just want to say thank you for having us here, and that we are not as rough a group as we might sound. Our pirate is really a pilot, our badass is really our very sweet maknae, and they are both cuter than a basket full of kittens.”

Kari and Sarah were completely mortified, but they survived, and over the years, they enjoyed many gut-wrenching reminders of their mistakes, as the videos racked-up hit after hit, and were routinely brought up at other interviews and such.

The rest of their interview went very well, and gave the girls a chance to explain their “light side of dark” concept, which is simply that, while they tend to gravitate toward darker imagery, they are all actually very positive, cheerful, and fun-loving energy vitamins. They also talked about how they came to be, what it was like being LG students, and what it meant to be the face of the school. All the while, they had NZ laughing, and he seemed quite interested in what they were saying. In fact, NZ paid the girls a great compliment when he compared them to SNSD in that they seemed to take their music and performances quite seriously, but were delightfully squirrelly and dorky when they weren’t singing and dancing. The Crumpets, of course, loved this comparison, but were even more excited when NZ suggested that they might just have the right stuff to become variety-show queens, like their beloved SNSD.

Ego Trip
Once their interview was done, the girls said goodbye to NZ, and floated out of Radio-Z, only to have their ego-bubbles further inflated by a handful of Familiars who had stayed to see them off. Getting on the bus didn’t help matters, as the student press gushed over the Crumpets as if they had just won a major award.

On their way back to the LGC, the girls were talking and acting like divas, which gave Enid and Bess some concern over how the Crumpets’ first foray into the outside world was affecting their egos. When the girls started trying to promote the idea of a party at Thornbury Hall to celebrate becoming “variety-show queens,” Enid decided it was time to intervene.

“Ladies, any parties will need to wait, as we have a download meeting when we get back,” she said in a very matter-of-fact tone.

The girls looked at each other and shrugged. They didn’t recall that there were any further meetings planned for the day, but Enid had sounded quite business-like, so they didn’t try to resist. Once the student press had been dropped off, the Crumpets were returned to their hall, where they gathered in the TV area.

Enid began the meeting, “Ladies, first of all, a few missed steps out of the gate aside, I think you did very well today. However, toward the end, and on the way home, it felt like you were getting a little full of yourselves.”

The girls were shocked and it showed on their faces.

“I know this seems harsh, scolding you after a job well done, but we want to make sure that you hold onto your sweetness and humility. Remember when Sunny (she’s a Soshi) cried on a talk show because she had been acting self-important and hurt her family’s feelings?” Enid said, with a soft tone.

Bess then added, “NZ made you feel important because that is what he is supposed to do. Likewise, you as performers and the face of the Glass need to make those around you feel important, which makes you good leaders and therefore important yourselves. You girls grew into your status here in the Glass over time, but now you are stepping out onto a new stage where things will move fast and affect you differently. You have always made your friends and the LG staff feel important. Don’t ever lose that.”

“Were we really that bad?” Sarah asked, without taking her eyes off of the floor.

“No,” Enid said, moving next to her and putting her arm around her. “And that is exactly why we wanted to have this little talk now, as well as to derail the variety-show queens’ party idea.”

“I guess that was a bit presumptuous on our part, especially considering that we haven’t even been on a variety show yet,” Kari said, as she made a “derp” face.

“Hopefully our tendency for shenanigans will go over okay in the variety-show world,” Analey added.

“I guess we will find that out in just shy of a week, assuming that we are still scheduled to appear on ‘Major Malfunction’,” Tinsley stated inquisitively.

“Of course you are,” Bess replied. “Perhaps if you girls finish unpacking,” — there were still a few lingering boxes — ”we could have a house-warming party on Saturday, the day after your TV debut.”

The Crumpets felt humbled by the lecture and they knew that Bess and Enid were right, so they sucked it up and resolved to keep a close eye on their egos.

With this little reality check under their belts, the girls set about finalizing their move and getting their Hall ready for a party. Of course they also had school work, practice, and getting ready for “Major Malfunction” to attend to, so there was very little time for much else. Regardless of the fast pace, they did get to enjoy the largely positive feedback they received regarding their interview. Not surprisingly, Eugene was unimpressed, but at least he wasn’t quite as harsh or personal in his criticisms this time.

Major Malfunction
Less than a week after their Radio-Z interview, the Crumpets appeared on their first TV show, “Major Malfunction,” or “MM,” which is a show where teams of (usually minor) celebrities compete in silly physical contests, with their winnings going to charity. This time Dean Eobseo went with the girls to the show; there was no way he was going to miss being there to watch the Crumpets’ antics first hand. By the way, the girls did tell the Dean about their ego trip after the Radio-Z interview, and he was glad that Bess & Enid had called them out on it, and that they had taken it seriously and with maturity. Fortunately maturity was not something that they would need for “MM,” which is all about being dorky and having fun.

From the moment of their arrival at the TV studio, the girls were in typical form. (Keep in mind that acting self-important and acting dorky are two completely different things, and their typical form is the latter.) Almost as soon as they had gotten off of the bus, they threw Bess under a proverbial one.

You see, when they were introduced to the show’s host, Jenny Nileyh, they were also introduced to “Sergeant Stingy,” who is the show’s announcer, and is known for yelling, “WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?” when contestants make mistakes. Being squirrely the girls insisted that Bess have a drill sergeant battle with Sergeant Stingy. Fortunately — or unfortunately, depending on your perspective — Sergeant Stingy was completely on board with the idea. Bess tried her best to get out of it, but in the end she did her Sergeant Apone bit in an impromptu competition with the Sarge. Their battle was epic and Sergeant Stingy was so impressed with Bess’s performance he told her she could cover for him on the show from time to time (and he was serious). In fact, so compelling was their battle that the show’s producer, who had witnessed it, requested that Bess and Stingy reenact it on the show. Ultimately Bess agreed, and despite being a nervous wreck, she did a great job. To this day there are Elpoeps who are convinced that the Crumpets have the meanest and scariest managers in Idol-dom. By the way, a winner of the battle, which had been rolled out as part of the Crumpets’ introduction, was never chosen, as the audience’s applause and laughter had taken too much time.

After the whole televised Bess and Stingy duel, the Crumpets gave their introductions, and they all said their bits correctly, no badass or pirate issues this time. They were then divided into two teams of three, chosen, as I am sure you have already guessed, by rolling the die. (Enid did the honors for this.) The teams were named in K-Pop style: TinSaKa vs. AnTaYu (Tinsley, Sarah, and Kari vs. Analey, Tabitha, and Yulia).

The first game was a disk-stacking bit, where each team had a platform on which they would stack large, colorful plastic disks in such a way that they would cantilever out far enough from the platform so as to break the beam of a laser positioned about a meter and a-half out from the platform. One team member, the ‘disk runner,’ would collect disks that were emerging from a giant ‘candy dispenser’ in the middle of the stage. To make it a challenge for the runners, the candy dispenser rotated so that the disks were available to one team or the other only for a fairly short time, making the runners’ timing important. Back at the platform, the 'stackers,' who had a half-a-dozen starter disks, had to, well, stack the disks.

Naturally it would take the teams a bit to find their cadence, so initially the game was just the runners frantically running back and forth while the stackers’ stacks kept falling down, which of course prompted Stingy to yell, “WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?” each time it happened.

Eventually both teams found their sea-legs, and started making progress. In the end, it was a close match, but TinSaKa won. The prize for the winner was not only money in the pot for the charity they had selected, and twenty-five points, they also won a trip to the ‘Chocolate Bar’ (a service cart laden with oodles of chocolate delights). So, while TinSaKa were stuffing their faces, AnTaYu had to sit on the sidelines, and watch the pig-out while they were interviewed by Jenny. AnTaYu did their best to focus on the interview, which was not easy as TinSaKa were making a point of just how much they were enjoying the treats. Throughout the interview, Tabitha and Analey kept glancing over at TinSaKa, clearly envying their feast. Yulia, on the other hand, was just sitting calmly and looking rather smug.

At some point, it became obvious that Yulia was staring at Sarah, prompting her to stop chewing, swallow hard, and say, “What?!” as she held her hands up. (When she did, Kari casually and without missing a beat, took the double-fudge brownie right out of her hand and ate it!)

Yulia’s eyes narrowed, and she replied with a smirk, “Oh, nothing. Please, please, keep eating.”

As you know from her bio, Sarah has something of an allergy to chocolate, in that when she eats it, it gives her sneezing fits. It might seem like Yulia was teasing Sarah, and she was, they are after all best friends. However, at the same time, Yulia was also trying to get Sarah to come to her senses. I should probably mention that Sarah was in no medical danger, as her allergy — or whatever it is — only results in sneezing, which is rarely fatal.

Potty Emergency Sneeze Face
Sarah suddenly grasped Yulia’s hints, and realized that a sneezing fit could be a problem — not only because they were on TV, but also because many of the games on “MM” require concentration and a steady hand. So, Sarah stopped eating chocolate and started chugging water, hoping that it would help.

Just before a commercial break, the next game was announced, and much to Sarah’s horror, it was the nut-stacking game, which required a steady mouth. During the break, Sarah’s situation was revealed to Jenny and to the studio audience (and later to the TV audience), because it was obvious that there was something going on, and the Crumpets didn’t want anyone to think that it was anything serious. So, with everyone anxious to see if Sarah could hold out, the second round began.

Unluckily for TinSaKa, they lost the coin toss, which determined which team would go first, thus giving Sarah’s sneezes more time to set in. Sarah decided that she would make the best of it, and drink more water while TinSaKa waited for their turn. Of course it didn’t take long for her to realize that she was taking a risk as a full bladder could be easily as distracting as sneezing, and both at the same time could be a disaster. With Sarah nervously biding her time, AnTaYu began their turn.

On a raised table were nine plastic nuts, of the nuts-and-bolts variety, not the kind you eat. In this game, contestants must stack the nuts using a chopstick that they hold in their mouth. One point is given for each nut that is successfully stacked (on edge and on top of each other). If the contestant gets all nine stacked, and still has time on the clock, she can knock her stack down, and start over for even more points. ‘Rock-paper-scissors’ is used to determine which member of the group will go first. In this case, it was Tabitha. Tabby did fairly well and scored seven points. Analey was next and earned a very respectable nine points. Yulia went last, and despite knocking over her initial stack at five nuts (thus losing those points), she managed to come back and end with seven points. Now, twenty-three points may not be earth-shattering, but it is a very respectable score.

At last it was TinSaKa’s turn. Again, unluckily, Sarah lost at ‘rock-paper-scissors,’ and would be the very last to play the game. Considering that her sneezes usually come on rather quickly, she was beginning to wonder if she had eaten so much chocolate that she had overloaded her system, and wouldn’t have a sneezing fit at all. Additionally, so far, her bladder seemed to be faring reasonably well, so she relaxed a bit and hoped that Tinsley and Kari would score enough points that her turn would be easy regardless of personal matters. Perhaps she would only need to leisurely stack three or four nuts.

Sarah’s hopes were dashed when, not only did TinKa score just sixteen points (meaning that she would need to score seven to tie, and eight to win), but she was also beginning to feel the effects of the water, and was having some tingling in her nose. Stepping up to the table, she could feel the intense focus of the crowd. Things started off well enough,as she was able to get five nuts stacked with relative ease. However, by the time she began working on number six, things got difficult. She began wrinkling her nose, her eyes were getting a bit watery, a bead of sweat — (oops, I forgot, the girls don’t like it when I refer to them as sweating) — a bead of perspiration ran down her forehead, and her chopstick began shaking a bit.

Although it was a bit wobbly, she managed to get nut six onto the stack, and quickly began working on number seven. Her battle with her nose and bladder was evident in the intensity of her expression. Fortunately, she was too focused to notice that someone in the control room had started playing Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger,” otherwise she would have surely started laughing. She managed to get nut seven on the chopstick and began lifting it. Her time was now running low. Just as she was getting the nut in position to place it, the ten-second-countdown began. Normally being at this point wouldn’t be a bad thing; ten seconds should have been plenty of time for her to carefully place the nut and tie the game. However, Sarah was now wincing from holding back a sneeze, and her bladder was making it nearly impossible to concentrate. The crowd was on the edge of their seats, and they began quietly counting down with the clock as Sarah tried to place the nut.

Jenny did one of her signature bits, saying, “It’s just too hard,” while holding her arms up in the air like Kermit the Frog when he is really excited.

Then, just as Sarah set the nut and was withdrawing the chopstick, the buzzer sounded. She sneezed, the stack of nuts fell down, and everyone gasped loudly. Stingy didn’t even yell, “WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?!”

Since so much happened so quickly, and it was time for a commercial break, it was decided that a slow-motion review was in order.

Sarah couldn’t wait any longer and raced off to the privy, exclaiming as she went, “Excuse me, but I need to, uh, I’ll be right back!” Then she let out a pitiful little squeak.

In her absence, there was a lot of excited commentary as the scene was replayed in slow motion. The video alone was worth the price of admission, even if it had not been free. Unfortunately for Sarah, the replay demonstrated that her efforts came up short. Regardless of having lost, upon her return, she was greeted with a stirring ovation for her tenacity and, I am sure, also out of sympathy for the video, which would now become the bane of her existence. Despite the embarrassing video and having lost the game, Sarah took it all in stride and declared that she had never been happier, because it could have been, and almost was, much worse.

To commemorate this occasion every year on its anniversary, the Crumpets, Familiars, LGC students, and many folks around Zeitgeist celebrate “Potty Emergency Sneeze Face Day,” by taking and posting pictures of each other’s attempts to mimic Sarah’s epic facial expressions (chocolate and water are common fare at the parties). Strangely, “Potty Emergency Sneeze Face Day” isn’t one of Sarah’s favorites.

Spinning Target Crossbow Darts Mayhem
With the now-legendary nut-stacking game over, the teams scores were: TinSaKa: 25, and AnTaYu: 28 (twenty-three nuts, plus five bonus points for winning). Incidentally, the personal prize for the nut game was that AnTaYu each received a gift certificate for a free pair of shoes from Shadow Castle Emporium, a Goth/Steampunk-themed store. In case you are wondering, and I assume that you are, AnTaYu each used their certificates for pairs of black, high-top canvas sneakers covered in little pink-and-white skull-and-crossbones, which made TinSaKa rather, as the girls say, “jelly”. You may also be wondering why TinSaKa didn’t just buy sneakers for themselves? Well, they were still poor students, as their Idol earnings had yet to begin flowing in. Even when, and if, the Crumpets did start generating profits, most of the money would be held in trust accounts until the completion of their contracts, so they would come to be rather reliant on gifts from sponsors.

Before the final game, the girls did a quick number, singing their song, “Gothy Crumpets,” which was quite well-received.

Since singing and dancing is what they do, it almost felt like they were taking a break, so when they were done, they were energetic and keen on determining which team would be the overall winner. The final game was announced: ‘Spinning Target Crossbow Darts Mayhem,’ a crowd favorite, but one that made the girls feel a bit anxious.

In ‘Spinning Target Crossbow Darts Mayhem’ (STCDM), contestants use unnecessarily large crossbows to launch plastic-tipped darts at large, rotating dartboards. Between the shooter and her target are various obstacles, such as UFOs painted on metal cutouts that zip by, or cutouts of Jenny and Stingy that pop up, potentially deflecting the darts. Any darts that don’t stick to the targets fall onto a sloped platform that funnels them back and into a bin in between the two teams. Each team has either blue or red darts, and two crossbows. So one member shoots, one gathers darts, and one reloads the crossbows. Now, even if a dart sticks to the board, once its score is registered, it is ejected so that there is a constant flow of returning darts. By the way, if a team uses one of the other team’s darts by mistake, they lose a point and the other team gets a point. Finally, each member assumes each position once for one minute.

Because both teams go at the same time it was simply up to the members to determine who would do what first. Often this is a point of comedic discord. However, like they do with karaoke, the girls seemingly communicated telepathically and each took up a position. Picking their starting positions was, however, where their telepathy ended; after that they were no better harmonized than any other teams.

When the starting buzzer went off Kari and Analey began shooting (both crossbows had been preloaded), Tinsley and Yulia started sorting the extra darts that were jumbled in the central bin, and Sarah and Tabitha had to wait briefly for crossbows and darts to reload. By the way, Sarah was still sneezing a bit.

At any rate, initially things went well, but quickly dissolved into mayhem as the teams floundered trying to find a decent rhythm. By the time they had things down, it was time to switch positions, which set them back a bit on their coordination. When the final position change came, the teams were nearly tied, with AnTaYu leading by one point. Yulia and Tinsley were the last to shoot and they were running neck-and-neck, so AnTaYu held their overall lead. However, Tinsley started gaining ground. By the time the ten-second timer started ticking, TinSaKa had a two-point lead. Analey and Tabitha were cheering Yulia on, but Tinsley was in the zone, and by five seconds she had increased TinSaKa’s lead to three points. Yulia knew that she couldn’t make up the points in five seconds, so she decided to try for a bullseye, which is worth ten points. Now, a bullseye in STCDM is nearly impossible to get, not only because the red circle at the center of the target is quite small, but there is also a wide metal ring around it, making it much more likely the dart will be deflected, resulting in a wasted shot.

Yulia took a deep breath and focused on the center of the target. She became the dart. She could hear the beating of her heart, which had slowed to a steady gallop. A voice in her head, which sounded oddly like Jimmy’s, told her to reach out with her feelings. With one and a-half seconds remaining, Yulia pulled the trigger. The dart flew toward the target, spinning slowly as it went. Yulia closed her eyes, trying to guide the dart to its objective with her mind.

In slow-motion, the crowd yelled, “Oh no!” as one of the cutouts of Jenny came up in the dart’s path. The dart just barely made it over the obstacle, but its tail clipped it, causing the dart to nose down slightly. Despite Yulia’s telepathic guidance, the dart had been too high. But after being tripped up by the cutout, it was now headed straight for the bullseye.

Jenny’s voice resonated from a speaker in her cutout, which was now blocking the view of the target, “It’s just too hard,” just as the final buzzer went off.

Everyone's eyes, except Yulia’s, which were tightly closed, were focused on the scoreboard. The score was: TinSaKa: 48, and AnTaYu: 55. Yulia had done it! The cutout of Jenny came down to reveal Yulia’s dart still in the bullseye.

The crowd went wild while Tabitha and Analey attacked Yulia, yelping and screaming, “Daebak, Daebak!”

To this day, Yulia claims that she telepathically guided the dart.

Dean Eobseo, Enid, and Bess, who had been watching from the side of the stage, were, like all of the spectators, completely caught up in the moment.

As they were applauding, Enid said to Bess, “Well, it looks like they are off to a good start on becoming variety-show queens.”

“I know, which means that we will almost certainly be back here again and again,” Bess lamented.

Enid shot Bess a mischievous grin because she knew that she was dreading the prospect of having to do her Sergeant Apone bit again, and again.

The Rest of the Show
Even though AnTaYu was the overall winner, both teams’ chosen charities would receive money, AnTaYu’s would just get a bit more. Adding to the pot, Dean Eobseo doubled the donation amounts — anonymously and out of his own pocket. AnTaYu also received a final, personal prize: Three tickets to H2O Planet, an indoor/outdoor water park in Bay City, which is about an hour’s drive from Zeitgeist. Knowing that it would be a bummer if only AnTaYu got to go, and sensing an opportunity to film a “reality” show of the Crumpets on vacation, the Dean ended up buying tickets for TinSaKa, as well as for the managers and support staff, so they could all go and film a show while they were having fun. Future plans aside, the Crumpets’ TV debut was quite a success, and they were invited back at their earliest convenience.

Once the show was over and all of the last minute bits had been taken care of, the Crumpets boarded the bus to head back to the campus. As the bus pulled out of the fenced and gated back parking lot of the TV studio, Yulia noticed a small group of Familiars (all of whom they recognized) standing on the sidewalk, holding their signs. The girls all turned to see them standing there.

“Oh my gosh!” Tabitha exclaimed. She asked the bus driver, “Skeeter, can you please pull over?”

Once Skeeter had pulled up to the curb and stopped the bus, all of the Crumpets made a beeline to the Familiars.

“Oh, you poor things, how long have you been standing here?” Tabitha asked with great sincerity.

It turned out that a group of Familiars had been at the TV studio when the Crumpets first arrived, but they didn’t know where to go, and they couldn’t get into the enclosed parking lot, so they just wandered around. (This was partly due to Ava having been called out of town on a family emergency.) Ultimately the ones who had managed to get tickets to the show had stayed after to wait at the gate and see the girls off.

The Crumpets were very gracious, and even though they couldn’t stay very long, they made sure that the Familiars who had waited knew that their efforts were appreciated. Bess, Enid, and Dean Eobseo, who had been watching from the sidelines, quickly snuck back onto the bus when it became clear that the girls would be returning soon. After saying goodbye to the Familiars, the girls re-boarded the bus.

When she saw the Dean and their managers, Tabitha said, “Sorry about that, we just couldn’t drive off and leave them standing there.”

“Nonsense. You have absolutely nothing to apologize about. You just made some of your fans feel important, and, my dears, that is exactly what being the face of the school is all about. I am very proud of all of you,” Enid said.

This led to a fair bit of mushiness, prompting Skeeter to say, “Those Familiars are still standin’ there, waiting for us to leave, ya know.”

Since they had told the Familiars that they needed to get going, everyone quickly sat down, buckled up, and waved goodbye to their fans, who had so patiently waited to give the girls a proper, TV-Idol debut send off.

“Wow they really want us to feel special. It is definitely important to return the love and keep it rolling” Analey said as their bus pulled away from the curb.

It’s Party Time
Having successfully debuted on TV, and having done so, not only keeping their egos in check, but also having found a deeper sense of humility, the Crumpets could set about their final housewarming party preparations, feeling quite good about it. But, before they got going, they visited with Dean Eobseo for a bit. The Dean congratulated the girls on a job well done, and told them that they had inspired him to think about ways to encourage all of the LG students and alums to be both unpretentious and to maintain an accessible image. He then left them to their preparations, and went to Ravenhurst so he could pace around with his head spinning, full of ideas. Incidentally, KySi found this to be quite tedious, so they left Ravenhurst and went to Crumpet Hall to hang out: The old switcheroo.

The girls spent the rest of the day leisurely setting things in order. When they had finished,they gathered in the TV area to check out the reviews and feedback, or “revback,” from their “MM” appearance, which was almost entirely very good. Adding to the great “revback,” the Familiars who had waited at the gate posted glowing accounts of how sweet the girls were to stop and make a point of thanking them. All of this positivity made Eugene’s negative remarks — yes he was still at it — seem all the more shallow and weak, something that was beginning to undermine his credibility.

On Saturday afternoon, the Crumpets opened their hall to any LG students or faculty who wanted to come by. (Elpoeps and even the Familiars had to be excluded for security reasons, not to mention that the Crumpets probably would have been completely overrun if the general public had been invited.) As it was, there was a line of people going into and coming out of Crumpet Hall for most of the rest of the day. Since attendance was expected to be high, most of the party was actually held in the Grand Ballroom at Ravenhurst, where people could eat and socialize before and/or after they made their way through the Crumpets’ dormitory.

The girls enjoyed the day, and despite having specifically stressed that guests need not bring presents, they did end up receiving quite a few. In fact, Amber and the would-be Interrogatives brought the girls a replacement for Sven by way of a quirky, internally lit, chubby monster picking lint out of his belly button lamp named Urp, and a framed picture of the wouldbe Interrogatives posing with Sven. The Crumpets immediately fell in love with Urp, and they realized that he was exactly what was needed to make Crumpet Hall their home.

After a long day and evening of socializing, the girls collapsed into a dogpile on the floor while Enid and Bess sprawled out on the sofas.

“Wow, that was a lot of people. I wonder what the total was?” Tinsley remarked inquisitively.

Tabitha texted this question to Jimmy, as she was sure he had been keeping track. Naturally, Jimmy was on top of this, and replied that they had 2,007 visitors.

When the Crumpets heard this, Kari said in astonishment, “Great googly moogly! 2007! The Sochi debut year!”

Now, aside from Yulia being convinced that she used ESP on the dart, and, frankly, I think she just says that as a joke, the Crumpets aren’t superstitious unless it relates to SNSD, in which case they grab onto every little connection they can. Jimmy and the other students knew this, and surreptitiously worked it out so that the number of guests would equal something that could be easily connected to Girls’ Generation (they actually dragged three contractors working on one of the jumbotrons up to the party to bring the number to 2,007). Being unaware of this trickery, Kari’s observation was met with wide eyed astonishment, and taken as a good sign by the Crumpets, while their managers were just confused by it.

Feeling good about how things were going, and having had a couple brushes with Sochi greatness, the Crumpets went on to do several more interviews, and another variety show during the time leading up to the big Halloween show. Nailing these appearances, the girls nearly forgot that they had yet to have their other-side performance debut. That is, until they realized that they only had a little more than a week to go.

Kicking it into high gear, they practiced with such tenacity that they celebrated Kari’s birthday on the fly during a quick break between songs. In case you are worried that Kari felt dejected because of this, I can assure you that she didn’t. For one thing, it was her idea. Also, because there are so many students and faculty at the Glass, there are several birthdays on any given day, so they tend not to be a cause for much elaborate fuss. Regardless, Enid and Bess insisted that the girls take a break. So they finally did have a proper, albeit belated, birthday bash one weekend evening, at the regional airport. At her party, Kari told everyone everything they didn’t want to know about every airplane she saw, which made her quite happy, not only because she got to see lots of planes, but because she got to talk about them nonstop, and no one complained about it, even though they really, really wanted to.