​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Chapter Nine: Recuperation Exasperation

Surgery
Gathering in the waiting room after visiting Yulia, the Crumpets met Jimmy who had just arrived. 

“Meohae, how’s she doing?” he asked. 

“They just wheeled her into surgery,” Analey told him. 

“Surgery! That’s not good?!” he exclaimed. 

After the girls gave him a few more details, Jimmy reminded them that there was still a small crowd of people outside, waiting for news. 

“Oh no, the Familiars, it is freezing out there!” Tabitha exclaimed. 

Just so you know, it wasn’t actually freezing out, although it was darn cold for Zeitgeist in late fall — 8.3 degrees celsius (47 degrees fahrenheit), to be precise. At any rate, Tabitha grabbed Tinsley and Kari and rushed out to let the well-wishers know what was going on, as well as to encourage them to head home or to at least go somewhere warm.

As TabTinKa headed out to brave the cold, Dean Eobseo was just arriving from his ordeals in Pinedale — in fact they crisscrossed in the entryway. Bess and Sarah greeted him in the lobby, and because he had been in the loop on Yulia’s condition all the while, it didn’t take long for them to get him up to speed. After a quick update, they moved on to asking about how things had gone at the mall after they left. 

“Well, most importantly, to me anyway, Scream-Ogative did an excellent job of covering for the Crumpets,” he said with pride. He went on, “As to 3P...I mean, the managers, that is a whole situation that may be going on for quite some time, I fear, as they are, if you can believe it, threatening to sue Looking-Glass for breach of contract.” 

Sarah squeaked, “Sue us?!” 

“Yes,” Dean Eobseo replied. “And they have even gone so far as to fire the mall’s maintenance supervisor, claiming that the icy spot on the stair, which we believe caused Yulia to fall, was the result of improper snow removal. However, we have some evidence that the ice was actually the result of one of the managers leaving a half empty water bottle there, which tipped over and made a puddle that froze.” 

“You mean our little Lia is in surgery because of 3PH?!” Bess said in a loud voice. “Why I have half a mind to drive up there right now and…” 

“Steady there, Bess,” the Dean said, trying to calm her. “Remember we are in a hospital lobby.”

Bess blushed a bit and held her tongue. Naturally her outburst drew some attention and Dean Eobseo spent the next hour retelling his story over and over to everyone waiting there while Yulia was in surgery.

Reinforcing Bonds
While BeSa and the Dean were talking, Analey visited with Jimmy. 

“So, this is probably kind-of a gross thing to ask you, but do you think that you could fix this?” Analey asked Jimmy as she held up Yulia’s microphone, which one of the nurses had put into a plastic bag. 

Jimmy squinted at it. “What is wrong with it?” 

“Well, Yulia kind-of puked on it. TinSa cleaned it up the best they could, but Yulia was gripping it too tightly for them to really get it all mopped up,” Analey said with an awkward smile. 

“It doesn’t look too bad, are you sure it doesn’t work?” Jimmy replied. 

Analey had been holding the bag from the top, as well as cupping the bottom corner with her hand which she then moved to reveal that a puddle of fluid was oozing out of the microphone. 

In a very matter-of-fact tone, Jimmy said, “Yep, it’s toast.” 

Analey’s hopeful expression turned to one of such pathetic sadness, that it made Jimmy laugh a bit. 

“Don’t worry,” he said. “You have come to the right geek. I will replace the electronics and clean the case. The serial number will be the same, and she will never know, which is what I assume you are aiming for, yes?” 

Analey gave Jimmy her best aegyo face and said, “Oppa, you truly are the best!”

Analey had laid it on thick and Jimmy had melted on the inside. But on the outside, he maintained a stalwart veneer, nonchalantly saying, “I know.” 

Analey simply couldn’t stand for this, and while she may not have been the aegyo queen of the Crumpets, she did manage to dial it up to near-Tinsley levels, with a puffy-cheeks pout, followed by a Kwon Mina-style tiger-growl — a counter attack that no mortal could withstand. 

“Seriously! Dang it, Analey!” Jimmy sputtered, and shot her a hands-over-his-head, heart sign. 

Analey sat back with a look of satisfaction and Jimmy rolled his eyes. Eventually, after a rather long wait, she let him off the hook with a wink.

Outside TabTinKa were talking with the well-wishers, which included Ava. 

“Well, I can tell you that Yulia will be receiving flowers that rival those ordered for your debut. I even had to stop taking orders because I was running low on stock,” Ava told them, adding, “You guys are really gaining a strong fan base and we Familiars will be here for you through thick and thin.” 

Tabitha got uncharacteristically mushy and hugged Ava, saying, “You have no idea how much you mean to us.” 

Ava was flattered, but a bit overwhelmed; her position as President of the Familiars was becoming all the more serious as the Crumpets gained popularity, and she could feel that the wave was only just beginning to build. Regardless, while the future is never a certain thing, the bonds that were being reinforced that night would become something far more precious and permanent than anyone could imagine.

While the Crumpets talked with Ava and the other Familiars, Amber and the other members of both Interrogative and the Beets arrived. After a flurry of greetings and general camaraderie, Amber pointed out that TabTinKa, who were still only in their stage outfits, were starting to shiver. 

“Unnie, you need to get in-of-doors,” Amber said to Tabitha. 

Tabitha looked at her and said, “Amber, heol (oh my gosh), how many times have you saved my butt today?” 

Amber patted her on the shoulder and said, “We are on the same team and, never repeat this, but I like you guys.” 

Tabitha hugged her, which was sweet, but also a bit awkward. After saying goodbye to the Familiars, TabTinKaAm headed into the warmth of the lobby.

On their way back in, Amber said to Tabitha, “Wow, you sure are having an emotional day.” 

“I know. I guess this whole ordeal caught me off guard. Speaking of emotional, I just realized that Tinsley didn’t even make a peep about leaving Harey behind.” 

At that very moment, they overheard Tinsley, who was walking in with Speck, say, “So he is at Crumpet Hall?”

“Yes,” Speck answered. 

“Does he have any stains or tears?” she asked.

Speck replied, with a tone of exasperation, “No, he is fine.” 

“Okay, here’s the twenty bucks, and I will give you the Seohyun fan card tomorrow after I am sure that he really is okay,” Tinsley said as she handed Speck the money. 

Amber looked at Tabitha and said, “I worry about that girl from time to time.” 

Tabitha shook her head and replied, “I hear that a lot.” 

Eventually the Crumpets, their managers, Dean Eobseo, Amber, Jimmy, Speck, and Taeha (a member of Interrogative) all settled in and waited for news about Yulia’s surgery. 

“Jimmy, do you know if the plane Yulia’s parents are on is going to be on time?” Enid asked him. 

Without missing a beat, Jimmy glanced at his screen and said, “Their plane will be landing in an hour and forty-seven minutes.” 

Enid started saying, “Jimmy you really are…” 

But he interrupted her, saying, “I know, I know, naega jeil jal naga (I am the best).” 

Analey slapped him on his arm and said, “So snarky, but rockin’ the Korean.” 

“Well, I just heard the song on the way over. RadioZ was having a 2NE1 marathon,” he admitted. 

Enid looked at them both and said, “I take it that 2NE1 is a musical group?” 

“Enid!” YuJi shouted. 

Enid just grinned and sat back, pretending to read a magazine. 

The Great IV Calamity
At the same time that Yulia’s parents were landing at Zeitgeist International Airport, her surgery was completed and she was moved into recovery. The surgeon, Dr. Golja, came out to the lobby, and said that things had gone well, and while they wouldn't know for sure for quite some time, there was a good chance that Yulia would retain most or all of the functionality in her hand. 

“When will we be able to see her?” Sarah asked. 

Dr. Golja replied that she should be out of recovery and in a regular room in a short while, and that someone would come and let them know as soon as she was ready. 

After what seemed like a long time, Skeeter arrived with Yulia’s parents. While everyone was saying hello in the waiting room. a nurse came and told them that, while Yulia was still quite groggy, they could visit her now. When all fourteen people started to follow him, he stopped them to say that only four or five could go in at this time. Naturally Yulia’s parents were on the list. Filling in the balance were Dean Eobseo, Sarah, and Enid. 

Once they were in her room, Yulia’s mom lost it, rushing to her daughter and exclaiming, “Oh, my precious Koala Bear, what have they done to you?!” 

Yulia looked blurrily up at her, and in a soft, rather hoarse voice said, “Hi, Mom. I’m fine, see?” 

At that point, she tried to raise her right arm to show that it was okay. However, since it was in a green cast-like thing, which was in turn strapped to a board, she couldn’t move it. Instinctively she opted instead for quickly lifting her left arm. Unfortunately this arm had an IV in it, which got caught on her mom's bracelet, causing it to be pulled out of her vein.

Fortunately for Yulia, this wasn’t painful. In fact, she really only felt the tape being pulled away. Despite there being only a few drops of blood, and a dribble of fluid from the IV, there was plenty of drama from the chain reaction of panic that filled the room. Yulia’s mom screamed; the IV pole started to topple over; Yulia’s dad caught it, but bumped into the panic button as he did; Sarah’s knees buckled and she stumbled backward into a cart, sending an empty metal bedpan crashing to the floor; and pretty much everyone in the room was making some sort of noise, be it bumping into things, gasping, or loudly pointing out the obvious. ("Look her IV has been pulled out!") All of this was clearly audible in the lobby, causing the rest of Yulia’s visitors terrible concern. To make matters worse, they saw a nurse rush in, summoned by the panic alarm, followed moments later by Dr. Golja.

“What in the world could be happening?!” Bess exclaimed. 

“Aigo, etteoghae na (oh my, what can I do)?!” Analey gasped and then blew a bubble. 

“Right now, we just need to keep calm and stay out of the way,” Tabitha said as she put her arms around both Tinsley and Kari. More than being affectionate, she was worried that either one might suddenly bolt into the room and try to “rescue” their unnie. Tabitha’s instincts were validated when TinKa flinched at her touch and looked at her with two pairs of wild eyes. However, seeing their leader calmly smiling at them brought them out of it pretty quickly and the group huddled together, staring intently at the door.

Back in Yulia’s room, the nurses scrambled to restore order, while the visitors did their best to stay out of the way, and all the while Yulia giggled, clearly enjoying the spectacle. Once things were back on track, the nurses left, and Dr. Golja showed the group some before and after x-rays, and explained a bit about how things went. She didn’t go into great detail as it was quite late, and she had been at the hospital all day, but she promised to come back in the morning to check in on Yulia and to give them more details before her discharge.

A Moment of Silence
While Dr. Golja had been talking, a nurse came in with some pain meds for Yulia (who wasn’t really in any pain at that moment). Dr. Golja explained that she didn’t want Yulia to feel much of anything just yet, so Yulia took the pills and Dr. Golja said goodnight as she departed. 

Dean Eobseo, Sarah, Enid, and Yulia’s folks lingered for a bit, during which time the medication had a chance to take effect, causing Yulia to get seriously dopey-er. When it was clear that she wasn't going to be awake much longer, Enid, Dean Eobseo, and Yulia’s dad decided to go out to the lobby to let the group know how things were going. 

On their way out, Yulia’s dad kissed her forehead and told her to “sleep tight.” 

Yulia made a completely bizarre face and squeaked out an even more bizarre sound. Everyone in the room looked at her with concern, wondering if she was having some type of seizure. 

With everyone staring blankly at her, Yulia giggled, repeated her expression and sound, and then sang, “I’m a little koala bear, koala bear, a cute little koala bea…” and fell fast asleep. 

Yulia’s koala bear bit was so cu-thetic (cute/pathetic) that everyone started laughing or crying or both. Since Lia’s mom was now a complete mess, her dad decided she needed to stay a bit longer, so Enid and Dean Eobseo, who were laugh-crying, departed to the lobby. 

The moment they stepped out the door, Enid and the Dean saw a blob of wide-eyed people in the waiting area staring back at them. Because it was immediately apparent that all of the chaos in Yulia's room had caused great concern, they quickly rushed over to explain. Unfortunately the panicked looks they received only made them laugh-cry harder, which in turn only made matters worse for the lobby crowd, who assumed that they were actually crying hysterically. Dean Eobseo and Enid simultaneously tried to explain things, but they talked over each other, and made no real progress. 

Finally Kari could take no more, rushed over to Enid, and shook her, saying, “Out with it, woman! For the love of Hallyu, what is going on in there?!” 

Enid, now laughing more than crying, fell to her knees exclaiming, “She is a cute little koala bear!”

“Oh no!” Bess gasped, and Analey popped a bubble all over her face (the third one of the evening, mind you). 

Unable to contain her exasperation, Tinsley made a snorting noise, and marched past EinKa and into Yulia’s room. Everyone in the lobby went silent for a moment as they watched Tinsley storm away. 

Once inside the room, Tinsley looked at Yulia, who was sleeping peacefully, then at Yulia’s mom, who was drying her eyes with a tissue. A sense of panic welled up in Tinsley's heart, and she felt the room start to spin. 

Tinsley looked at Sarah, who was quietly holding Yulia’s hand, and with a catch in her throat, said, “Did she die?!” 

Sarah raised an eyebrow and calmly said, “No, she is sleeping.” 

“Oh good!” Tinsley exclaimed, and then started fidgeting with embarrassment. “Well, then,” she said, before doing an about-face and slipping quickly out of the room, while Yulia’s mom stared at her with a very shocked expression.

Back in the lobby, Tinsley marched past the group. Avoiding eye contact as she slipped by them, she declared, “She is fine. She is just sleeping.” Then, slumping down on a couch, she started crying. 

Tabitha sat down next to her. Rubbing her back, she softly asked, “Why the tears?”

Tinsley looked up at her and wailed, “I thought she was dead!” 

“Oh, Buttercup, you silly goose,” Tabitha said and hugged her tightly. 

“You mean babo geowi,” Tinsley burbled in reply. 

Kari, Analey, Bess, and Enid joined the hug, smothering poor Tinsley to such a point that she wheezed, “Done crying. Need air!”

Dean Eobseo joined the rest of the group around TinTab and said, “It has been a long and emotional day for all of us, but we are all right. Tomorrow is Sunday, and as far as I know, there isn’t a single show, promotion, or event that any of us needs to attend to.” 

“Wow, our first foray into the outside world was, well, memorable,” Kari said. 

Addressing Kari’s apparent concern over the fate of their performance, Tabitha mustered as much enthusiasm as she could and said, “Not every show will be a winner, but we are winners because we will keep fighting. First we’ll get some sleep, and maybe have a big breakfast in the morning, but after that, we will keep fighting.” 

The group wearily exclaimed “Looking-Glass Fighting,” then gave three (quiet) cheers for Scream-Ogative. 

Being much too tired to make the five-minute trek back to the campus, not to mention not wanting to be so far apart, they all began staking out couch space to sleep on, and an orderly brought them pillows and blankets. If you’re wondering if Jimmy was able to stay, he did. Refusing to be separated from his comrades, he passed the long night in his chair while his own nurse, who had come to the hospital looking for him, slept nearby on a couch.

Back to the Ranch
When morning came, Yulia was the only one who had a decent night's sleep and was, all things considered, feeling pretty good. The rest of her cohorts were a disheveled, pie-eyed lot, who looked like so much roadkill. To help them wake up Dean Eobseo ordered coffee, tea, and pastries from the hospital cafeteria. With some caffeine and sugar in their blood, the group began filtering through Yulia’s room to see how she was doing. Still reluctant to be apart, everyone who had stayed the night also hung out until she was released.

As promised, Dr. Golja came by and checked in on her. Among other things, she explained that, rather than using metal pins to set Yulia’s wrist, a 3D-printed matrix of a special material that would — over time — be replaced by bone was used. Another 3D-printed element was Yulia’s cast doohickey. Because there were only a few colors to choose from, Dr. Golja picked green to compliment Yulia’s red hair. Yulia was flattered and started to say so, but Tinsley, who happened to be in the room at that time, talked over her, asking if she could paint on it. 

Dr Golja answered, “Yes, as long as the paint is water-based. Permanent marker is also okay. 

“Lia, with your permission, I will paint Sally on your cast,” Tinsley told her. 

“Eou si-won-hada (Ooh, cool)!” Yulia exclaimed. 

Kari, who was also in the room, observed that, especially because it was on her right arm, the cast really brought out the color difference between her green eye and the brown one. 

“Sweet! Do I detect a song in the making?” Yulia asked Kari. 

“Hmm, interesting concept,” Kari replied while rubbing her chin. Like ants drawn to a lump of sugar, all of the Crumpets began discussing how they could creatively spin the events of the past eighteen hours into a song.

With the girls planning away, Dr. Golja looked over at EinBe, Dean Eobseo, and Yulia’s parents, all of whom were just looking at the girls and shaking their heads. 

Bess looked back at Dr. Golja and said, “This is normal for them; they can’t turn it off.” 

Dr. Golja laughed and interrupted the girls, “Yulia, you will need to rest at the dorm for the next week — i.e., no dancing.” 

Yulia and her mates stared blankly at the doctor. 

“Come to my office in a week, and we will see when you can start some dancing while wearing a sling,” Dr. Golja told her with a smile. 

Yulia smiled back and thanked Dr. Golja for all of her hard work, and promised to do her best to rest quietly.

“Well, we just need to sign some papers and then we can head back to the ranch,” Dean Eobseo told the group, adding, “Not to mention that we are exceeding the fire code for occupancy in this room, so we need to be heading out anyway.”

“Can we have the school’s mini-ambulance take Lia back?” Sarah asked the Dean while she batted her eyes at him. 

“Well, we have yet to use either one, so this might just be a good chance to test one out,” he replied. 

You may recall that the Looking-Glass campus has catwalks that cross over the streets that frame the campus. Each catwalk is an enclosed bridge with an elevator tower on each side that, in some cases, has a direct connection to a neighboring building. In this case, the East bridge connects directly to the medical campus buildings. To get around quickly, the LGC has a small fleet of mini vehicles that can fit into the towers’ oversized elevators, as well as navigate the bridges. So, and frankly just for the fun of it, Dean Eobseo had one of the mini-ambulances sent to the roof of the emergency room by the helipad to wait for them.

Once all of the paperwork was finished, Yulia was taken in a wheelchair to the roof, where she was transferred to the mini-ambulance. With Skeeter proudly at the helm of the tiny white car, and her cadre following along behind, Yulia was taken back to Crumpet Hall. The parade, which was reminiscent of the one after Kari hit Analey in the Tunnel of Doom, used the surface walkways rather than the tunnels to get back to Crumpet Hall, so that once they arrived at the central area of the campus, they were cheered on by Lookzens, as well as some Familiars who had rallied at Thornbury Hall, awaiting Yulia’s return. 

Eugene’s Review
Once back at the dorm Yulia was, after having had a chance to freshen up, seated at the dining room table with a pillow under her arm as her mom and unnies mercilessly fussed over her. Suddenly it occurred to her that less than twenty-four hours ago they had been performing their first out-of-town show. With a deep sense of concern she said, “Well, I guess it is time for the reviews, and I am afraid that my clumsiness probably cost us dearly.” 

“Lia, your fall was an accident, you did nothing wrong!” Sarah exclaimed in reply. 

“Cripes, Lia, if anyone is clumsy it is me!” Analey said. 

Whereupon Kari blurted out, “I was nowhere near her...Yulia, that is.” 

“Okay, okay,” Tabitha interrupted them. “It doesn’t matter what the reviews are like.… Okay, it does matter, but we did our best to deal with a tricky situation and we will rise above any negativity that we might receive. Who knows? Maybe there won’t be much.” 

As before, they fired up a couple of tablets and nervously searched for reviews. As this had been a rather small show, there weren’t that many, especially from the larger news agencies, but virtually all of the ones they found were very positive. The Crumpets were praised for doing well while they were on stage, as well as for their loyalty to and concern for their friend. Scream-Ogative, as well as all of the other acts, received high praise for their performances, especially considering that they had to adlib most of the last half of the show. 

Yulia was clearly relieved that it didn’t seem like she had ruined the Crumpets’ career, so she said, “Oh good, at least it seems like we are still in business, and Analey’s unchallenged injury streak has been broken.” 

“What!” Analey exclaimed before she realized what Yulia had meant. “Oh, right, that’s a good thing. For me, anyway.” 

Sarah sat back in her chair and said, “Wow, not one bad review! It looks like we are out of the woods.” 

“Not so fast there, kiddo,” Kari replied as she slid a tablet in front of her. 

Sarah looked down and her eyes narrowed before becoming as big as saucers. “Seriously! Eugene was there and he is talking trash about us! What a jerk!” she shouted. 

Fearing that she would snap the tablet in half, Kari slid it out of her hands saying, “Let me just take that, you shouldn’t surf angry.” 

Dean Eobseo, who looked more heated than anyone had ever seen him, went to Kari and said, “May I?” 

Kari handed him the tablet. After he read the savage review to the group, he set the tablet firmly on the table and headed for the door, declaring, “Between 3PH and this I am done being reasonable. If you will excuse me, I have some business to attend to.”

“Wow, I have never seen the Dean so mad. I have a feeling that a few of his lawyers are going to be working some overtime,” Tinsley said of the Dean’s departure. 

“What is wrong with that critic?” Yulia’s mom gasped. 

“He’s just a booger head,” Yulia told her before getting up and heading to the TV area, where she flopped down on a couch and said, “I am gonna take a nap. Maybe one of my unnies could fill my parents in on the whole Eugene deal.”

Yulia’s mom started to rush over and take care of her, but between Sarah beating her to the punch, and Kari cornering her to rant about Eugene, she ended up stuck in the kitchen. At about this point Kyan and Siera showed up for a visit. 

“Look, Lia, KySi have come to visit you,” Sarah told Yulia, who had just fallen asleep. Yulia mumbled, “Kitties,” and rearranged herself so the big cats could cuddle with her. Seeing her daughter smothered by two leopards made Yulia’s mom a bit nervous. However, the group collectively gushed over how cute this was, and started taking pictures. In case you are thinking that this comforted Lia’s mom, it didn't. 

Gone Walkabout
The main floor of Crumpet Hall was full of people: some napping, some visiting quietly, and others coming or going. This gentle drone of activity, which had been going on for several hours, suddenly changed when Dean Eobseo returned wearing a rather odd expression. 

“Victor, I mean, Dean Eobseo, what’s wrong?” Bess asked him. 

“Is Yulia awake?” he asked. Everyone looked over to see that Yulia was completely buried under Dangi black leopards and snoring loudly. “I guess we should let her sleep,” he said as he gathered everyone else in the dining area, where he began telling his news.

Victor reported to the group that the growing backlash over Eugene’s criticisms of the Crumpets and all things Looking-Glass had boiled over into a firestorm of protests demanding that he be fired, and that several companies had already pulled their advertising (keep in mind that this was only mid-day on a Sunday). At any rate, it seems that Eugene had, over the years, managed to acquire a fairly large chunk of Z-TV, which made firing him or even reining him in a tricky business for the Board of Directors. Supposedly the Board had, since the Crumpets debut, been increasingly concerned about his harsh and negative reviews and had tried to get him to be more reasonable — something that they had failed to accomplish. Now, in the light of the controversy he had ignited, the Board called an emergency meeting and unanimously voted to fire him. Apparently Eugene was present for the meeting and completely freaked out when they let him go. Because he was yelling, screaming, and throwing things, Z-TV security had to drag him out of the building. Out on the street the protesters (who, by the way, were not Familiars) started booing him. When the police arrived, Eugene was shouting obscenities at the protesters, and then ran away, still flailing and yelling.

“Since I don’t know if Eugene poses a physical threat to any Lookzens, I have notified campus security about this, and instructed them to be extra vigilant, as well as to bring in some off-duty police officers to bolster their numbers,” the Dean told them. 

“Wow, he really is off the deep end!” Enid exclaimed. 

“I am afraid he really is. The president of Z-TV told me — and this doesn't leave this room — that they searched his office after they threw him out, and found large quantities of prescription drugs and alcohol,” Victor replied. 

“I am sure glad that the Glass has such a high level of security. I don’t think I will feel safe anywhere else until he settles down,” Analey said with a shudder. 

“Meh, just take Kari with you and if you see Eugene, tell her that there is a spider on his nose,” Tinsley said with a mischievous grin. 

Analey batted back, “Brilliant, we can finally use her neuroses to our advantage.” 

Kari rolled her eyes and said snarcastically, “Ooh, well-played you two, well-played.”

Cardboard Unnies
In the days following Yulia’s accident, she did her best to quietly convalesce. Fortunately her unnies had given her a lot of 'work' to do, which was a good distraction. Regardless, after only a few days of healing, she was pacing constantly and had a wicked case of restless leg syndrome. Now, you might be wondering if Tinsley ever managed to paint Sally on Yulia’s cast thingy? She did, and this was largely because Yulia was on enough pain medication that she took frequent naps. At any rate, making her restlessness worse was Yulia’s concern that, due to doctor’s orders, she would miss out on a number of the Crumpets’ upcoming promotions, the first of which was an interview on Radio-Z that was to take place a mere three days after the accident. Fortunately, at least as far as the radio interview was concerned, Jimmy was able to work it out so that she could be a virtual part of it. 

On the morning of the interview, Jimmy arrived at Crumpet Hall bearing a couple of gifts for Yulia. The first was her microphone that he had put a great deal of effort into restoring. When he handed it to her, he told her only that it had needed a new switch, as the original was shot, which was true (the switch was indeed done for).

Yulia received it graciously, but kept looking at it with a puzzled expression. After a moment's contemplation she said, “Uh, I seem to remember, well, puking on this. Did you have to do more than fix the switch?” 

“Oh, well, there were a few other minor issues — nothing that was a big deal though,” Jimmy replied, as casually as he could. 

Yulia was sincerely touched by his efforts and discretion. With a bit of a catch in her throat, she thanked him and kissed his cheek, a reward that made the whole ordeal of cleaning out a surprisingly large volume of sunshine-punch-and-funnel-cake vomit worth all of the gag-inducing effort.

After the microphone presentation, Jimmy rolled over to the dining room table, picked up a tablet that was lying there, fiddled with it for a moment, and then handed it to Yulia, saying, “Here is my second gift." 

She looked down and saw that there was a picture of the Radio-Z sound room on the screen. “Oh, a picture of the sound room. Cool,” she said, feeling a bit confused. 

There was an awkward moment of silence and then suddenly NZ appeared in the picture and said, “Lia, how are you feeling?!” 

Yulia was so startled she nearly dropped it. Recovering the tablet and her wits she replied, “NZ, hi, I am well, how are you?” 

“I’m good, no broken bones here. So, I take it that we are all set for the interview?” he asked her. 

Yulia looked up to see her unnies standing before her, holding cardboard cut-out pictures of themselves in front of their faces. Jimmy explained that while the other Crumpets were obligated to physically go to Radio-Z, due to a live video feed that was being sponsored by Binnie’s BBQ Tofu, Yulia could still be with them virtually. 

At this news, Yulia squealed and excitedly hopped up and down, prompting Sarah to drop her picture, run over, grab her, and yell, “Quick! Get the tranquilizer!”

Yulia’s hopping caused her some pain, so she had actually stopped by the time Sarah got to her, thus no tranquilizer was needed (not that they really would have darted her, nor did they have a tranquilizer gun to dart her with anyway). 

At any rate, a makeshift Radio-Z studio was set up in the Crumpet Hall TV room. When the time came, Yulia would sit on one of the couches with her cardboard unnies surrounding her. Meanwhile, at Radio-Z, she would be seen on a screen placed between the other members (or at one of the ends, depending on how the roll of the die went). With everything in place TabKaTinSaAnBe got ready to head out for Radio-Z, while Jimmy, Enid, Dean Eobseo, Yulia’s parents, and KySi settled in to stay at the dorm with Yulia.

A few minutes after talking to Yulia, NZ started his show, which was three hours in length. The Crumpets, who would appear at the end of the show, only needed to leave Crumpet Hall about an hour before they went on. During the period of time leading up to the interview Yulia had to wrestle with a decision: when or if she should take her pain medication. If she took it too close to air-time, she might be tired or goofy during the interview. However, if she took it too late or not at all, she might be in pain and not a very fun interviewee. She consulted with her managers and her unnies, and finally decided to take just one pill right when the other members boarded the bus for Radio-Z.

Toilet Paper Wealth
With everyone in place, the interview began as it had in the past, except that after the standard introductions, NZ explained why Yulia was only virtually with them: “For those of you who don’t know, Yulia was injured at their show in Pinedale on Sunday. Yulia how are you feeling?” 

“NZ, I am feeling much better, and for those who are watching the video feed, check out my cast — Tinsley painted Sally on it for me.” She slipped her arm out of the sling and lifted it toward the camera. In an effort to give the audience a clear view of Tinsley’s art work, Yulia stood up and got closer to the camera. Unfortunately she was watching the monitor, got a little too close, and bumped the camera, which made it point up at the ceiling. The issue was easily fixed and wasn’t a big deal. However, back at Radio-Z, the other members were wondering if Yulia’s pain medication strategy wasn’t a bit off.

After going over the Pinedale saga, which took up about half of the entire interview, NZ moved on to some general questions and comments. He asked Analey how her nose was doing and if Kari was still mistreating her. 

“My nose is fine, NZ. I do occasionally forget my name or where the dorms are, but other than that, I think I am over the physical trauma,” she replied with a mischievous grin. 

Kari buried her face in her hands and said with exasperation, “I really thought that Yulia’s accident would take this off the radar. Why must I keep paying?!” 

“Because we have gotten a lot of mileage out of tormenting you. Think of all those hits on our videos,” Analey answered while patting her on the back. 

Kari sat up and calmly said, “That's true.” 

Moving on, NZ said, “How about team TabSaTin? I hear that you are going to be in your first race the day after your New Year's show at the Iron Lady.” 

Tabitha started to respond, but Tinsley butted in, “That is right, NZ, and because I am an excellent driver, my practice points are higher than either of my teammates.” 

“Wow, you are ahead of Tabitha?!” NZ said with surprise. 

Tabitha answered this, indignantly saying, “I’m just saving it for the race, not to mention that Tinsley has had two more practice sessions than either Sarah or myself.” 

Tinsley fired back, “Even still, I’m an excellent driver. You have to admit that I am an excellent driver.” 

“Yes, I do have to say that our little Buttercup here is a pretty good driver and she has been progressing at an above-average pace,” Tabitha replied. 

TinTab stuck their tongues out at each other and then started giggling, prompting Sarah to snarcastically say, “We are a proud team, NZ. A proud, mature team.”

After a few more enquiries and observations for the studio group, NZ circled back to Yulia. “So, Lia…is it okay if I call you Lia?” he asked her. 

Yulia told him yes. Well, actually she said, “Sure thing membrane.”

He went on, “What is it like being a Lookzen and how has it changed since your debut?” 

Yulia pondered the question for a moment and then said, “Well, NZ, other than spending more time away from the campus, things haven't really that changed much.” 

“But you are Idols now. Rising stars. Surely the money has changed things,” NZ interjected. 

“Oh no, NZ, we really don’t make any money at this point. If and when we do start bringing in the moolah, it will just go into trust accounts. None of this matters though because we are toilet paper-wealthy, which is the case for all Lookzens.” 

NZ lifted his sunglasses and cocked an eyebrow, exclaiming, “Toilet paper wealthy?!” At this point, both the studio group and the dorm group were sure that Yulia was off her bubble.

Sounding rather erudite, Yulia began her explanation: “Think about it, NZ, wealth isn’t just about having luxury; really it is about not having to worry about things,” she said, adding, “We Lookzens have twenty-four/seven access to food, medicine, and virtually anything else one might need to get by.” 

“That sounds comforting, but why do you call it toilet paper wealth?” he queried. 

“Well, what is the worst thing to run out of?” she replied. “Anytime we need it, we can go to Campus Services and get a roll. They have cases and cases of the stuff. It is a very satisfying feeling to see the school’s stockpile; it’s like Scrooge McDuck’s hoard, only soft and immediately useful.” 

“I see. You don’t have to worry about basic essentials. But what about luxury? Is your toilet paper luxurious?” he asked. 

“No, it is rather ordinary. Our luxury is in our studios, render farms, stages, teachers, and having our friends close at hand, which are all things we had long before our debut.” 

“So toilet paper wealth is having the basics which, along with many other things, affords you the luxury of doing what you love,” NZ summarized. 

“Precisely. And that is why our income, or lack thereof, is not something of concern to us; we are happy and grateful for the wonderful experiences that we get to have — experiences like being interviewed on a show as cool as yours,” she concluded.

Smooth Move
“Dang, Yulia is pretty smooth when she is on pain meds,” Tinsley whispered to Tabitha. 

“I really didn’t think she would be able to make anything out of that, but somehow she did,” Tabitha replied. 

NZ, who seemed to be blushing a bit, thanked Yulia for her compliment and pointed out that her unusual take on toilet paper was actually rather cool itself. Yulia smiled and seemed satisfied with her work, so NZ started wrapping things up.

After they had gone through the last bits of mentioning the Crumpets’ upcoming appearances, as well as their recent invitation to the Zeitgeist Music Awards Show (ZMA), which meant they had also been nominated for an award, NZ started his goodbyes to the girls. Just as he was bidding Kari, who was seated closest to him, adieu, a strange and rather loud snorting sound came from the opposite end of the table. Everyone turned and saw that Yulia’s head was slumped down. She was fast asleep and snoring in a very unflattering fashion (as if snoring is ever flattering). 

“That is even more cu-thetic than her ‘I’m a little koala bear’ song!” Analey exclaimed out loud.

“Oh dear, poor girl, we really should edit this out,” Sarah pleaded. 

“We can’t. This is live. Everything we are saying is live,” NZ reminded her. 

So, in the end, despite having managed an interview only days after her accident and having pulled off discussing toilet paper in a surprisingly meaningful way, Yulia ended up under the bus. To her horror, clips of her snoring spread like wildfire, and to this day she receives requests to hear her “koala” song, which, by the way, she doesn’t even remember and no one filmed. Mortifications aside, the Crumpets had weathered their awkward and painful first foray into the world beyond the Zeitgeist borders. Now it was time for Yulia to see if she could fully recover. Dean Eobseo needed to figure out what to do about Eugene and 3PH; Tabitha had to (along with many other things) work on setting up a free show in Pinedale; and every Lookzen was in full WHS mode.

Established October 2015   ​All Rights Reserved 

Established October 2015   ​All Rights Reserved