Chapter Sixteen: CGTS

Pinedale Redux
Amber and Squeaker finally managed to corner Tabitha to finalise the plans for the Pinedale show, which they titled "Pinedale Redux," and after much hard work, the time had come for the first of the three “Crumpets Go to School” (CGTS) events. Even though Tabitha was anxious to get this behind her, and Yulia was a bit nervous about facing the “Stairs of Woe” (her term for the stairs from which she fell), the girls were excited to show Jisook and her crew what they could do. 

At Jisook’s request they took the Barge along with the stage bus (which looks like an old British double-decker) to be used as backdrops. Riding up in the Barge somehow made the trip extra, especially considering how excited Jisook was about taking a road trip in Oblina. 

All the way up to the Pinedale Outlet Mall, the girls (including Jisook) sang and acted like total dorks, prompting Bess, who was sitting in the 'broken window, wet leaves' seat, to lean back and say to Enid, "I think that today is going to be a good day." 

Bess was correct, as they did indeed have a good day at the PDOM. The stairs where Yulia fell had a handrail recently installed for safety (a requirement of both Dean Eobseo and the city's building code department), and upon their arrival, the Familiars held a quick ceremony where Yulia signed an outline of her hand that had been painted on the ground where she had fallen. Lia's hand print and signature was later sealed with epoxy, and to this day, Familiars visiting the PDOM place their hand on the spot where she fell and take pictures, which they post as a tribute to their favorite redhead. 

Adding to the day was the fact that Ava, who had only the day before signed a lease on one of the mall's shop spaces, announced the groundbreaking of GlassTastic, which would sell LG merchandise, and would include a special area called Crumpet Corner where one would be able to find gothy goodies (pretty much anything branded GothyCrumpets).

Manner Hands
The show went extremely well, except for a moment when Squeaker's “manner hands” failed him. You see, despite literally begging not to have to do it, there was a moment in the show where he had to, as part of a dance routine, dip Sarah. The routine had originally called for him to dip Amber — who he views as his sister — instead, so it was no big deal. Unfortunately a completely unrelated last minute change elsewhere in the show made it necessary for Sarah to be the one he dipped. 

Squeaker was terrified out of his mind when Sarah came twirling into his arms and when he sent her twirling back across the tiny crowded stage, he misfired a bit and swatted her apple hip. It was something that almost no one else noticed, and both Sarah and Squeaker continued performing as if nothing had happened; except that inside Squeaker was dying of embarrassment and terribly worried that Sarah would think it had been intentional.

After what seemed like an eternity, an opportunity finally came where he could talk to Sarah about the incident. Looking like he had just robbed a bank, Squeaker sheepishly approached her, but before he could say anything, she looked at him and excitedly exclaimed, "Daebak, you did a great job! Sudden choreography changes like that can be so tricky!" 

With that, she trotted away, leaving Squeaker wondering if she either didn't realize what he had done, or if she was just trying to avoid the subject (which would indicate that, as would be expected, she was totally creeped out).

While Squeaker was standing there, struggling with what to do, Kari came up next to him with her arms folded, and in a rather harsh tone said, "So, what was that all about?" 

Squeaker’s eyes got big and he replied, "Oh, you saw that, huh? Do you think anyone else knows about this?" 

Kari cocked an eyebrow and said, "See it?! I felt it! I am not used to being smacked on the butt my male colleagues!" 

Squeaker did a double-take and said, "It was your butt that I swatted, not Sarah's?!" 

"Heol!" Kari exclaimed. "You were trying to swat Sarah's butt!?" 

Completely freaking out, Squeaker whimpered, "No, no, oh no, I didn't mean to swat anyone! It was an accident! I swear I was doing my best to have good-manner hands. I would never intentionally swat you or Sarah!" 

Kari narrowed her eyes and studied his face. After giving it some consideration, she said, "Okay, I believe you." Since he clearly wasn't breathing, Kari laughed, ruffled his hair, and said, "Relax. Sarah will think this is hysterical."

Pinedale Adieu
After killing it, the Crumpets’ Pinedale Redux show ended with a standing ovation (of course, there was no actual seating, so the crowd was already standing, but I am pretty sure they would have gotten up anyway). 

In the end, Tabitha had fulfilled her promise, Dean Eobseo fibbed about how much the whole affair had cost, Yulia was immortalised at the base of a set of concrete stairs in a cinder block hallway, Squeaker was humiliated (but still had his gentleman's honor intact), and the Crumpets and their cohorts had made Pinedale a very pro-LG town.

Hard Carry
The second event of CGTS was "Yena's Dream," which, for Tinsley anyway, was the most important of the three events. Despite being easy-going to the point where she occasionally needed some prodding to get her going, if she felt like something was a hard carry, she became very extra and got things done that often defied explanation, even by those involved. Case in point: Only days before the show, the hospital's board of directors reached an impasse about some aspects of the show’s broadcast. Fed up with what she saw as bureaucratic nonsense, Tinsley somehow convinced Dean Eobseo to have a helicopter pick up Eugene at the rehab hospital and fly him to Zeitgeist for an emergency meeting with the board. (The Dean still can't recall exactly how she did this.) 

Now, while a phone call from Eugene would probably have sufficed, Tinsley's pressure for a presidential-style airlift resulted in a media event that put "Yena's Dream" in the spotlight. This not only resulted in a green light being given for everything that the ZBC and LG wanted, it even caused their little show to be mentioned on the national news, which was something of a big deal. With things having become rather high-profile, the girls ended up having to do lots of extra interviews, the Z-Edge blimp (Jack-o-Blimp in its normal skin) would film LuLu from the air, and the show would have a supplemental broadcast on the internet. 

Adding fuel to the fire, on the day before the show, LuLu Belle was hauled over to the hospital where she would stay under her cover in a back corner of the parking lot to wait for her appearance, and once again Tinsley managed to con the Dean into another, likely unnecessary extravagance. You see, Tinsley insisted that Cao Lu would need to have two round-the-clock security guards for the entire time she was away from the Glass (two guards in case one was away for a few minutes using the privy). 

When all of the bills for “Yena's Dream” had been collected, Percival gave the Dean the statement of expenses and said, "Mr. Eobseo, it appears that this show has gone well over twice its original budget!" 

The Dean coughed and replied, "Yes, well, some of these expenses were, shall I say, a result of my personal vulnerability to aegyo. I will transfer some money to the Glass from my personal account to cover the unexpected bits."

Now, you might be thinking that Dean Eobseo regretted not telling Tinsley "no," but in reality, he had no problem spending the money because he knew that it was for a good cause and, even though it wasn’t the best lesson in business finance management, Tinsley's heart was in the right place, not to mention that her mind would never be open to worrying about money anyway. Ultimately all of this added to the anticipation for CGTS and likely boosted the show’s popularity a fair bit.
 
Yena's Dream
On the morning of the Children's Hospital show, the Crumpets went straight to Yena's room, where they found her to be as bright-eyed and excited as they had ever seen her.

"Annyeonghaseyo, achim dushiseoyo (Good morning, have you had breakfast)?" she said with bright energy. 

To which the Crumpets all chimed out, "Ne, gamsahabnida (Yes, thank you)." 

Yena's enthusiasm was a good thing as she would need lots of energy for the busy day ahead.

The show began in the hospital’s auditorium, where Dean Eobseo was the Master of Ceremonies. Regardless of the Dean’s roll, when the time came to introduce the Crumpets, the honor was given to Yena. Wearing a fresh, black dress and sporting Tinsley's bow, Yena took center stage. Looking out at what, to Yena, was a huge crowd, she paused, and for a moment, it looked like stage fright might get the best of her. While she struggled to find her courage, without thinking about it, she reached up and ran her fingertips across the soft muslin and satin of Tinsley's bow. 

Wanting more than anything to be like Buttercup, she pushed her fear aside and confidently announced, "Bibby-Bobby-Boo, the Goty Crumpets have come here for you!" 

After a momentary delay, Yena remembered to raise her arm and signal the curtain to be opened to reveal the Crumpets.

The small crowd cheered, and when the idols appeared, Yena wrinkled her nose and beamed with pride. The girls all gave her heart signs and Tinsley shot her a wink and an extra “bow and arrow heart” for good measure. Catching Tinsley's “arrow,” Yena happily skittered off the stage, into her mother's arms, and the Crumpets went to work. After three songs, the Crumpets turned the stage over to Interrogative and started their rounds with Yena in tow.

Cho Lu
Throughout the hospital, the girls were greeted excitedly by children clutching their Hareys and waving their GC fan lights. However, the real star of the show was LuLu Belle. Wherever LuLu popped up, the kids went nuts. In fact, LuLu was so distracting that Jisook had to make sure that her appearances were not close in time or space to the Crumpets, and this was starting to freak out Tinsley because she had yet to see her beloved Cho Lu. Regardless, everyone was having a great time and it is quite possible that the puppeteers operating LuLu Belle were having more fun than anyone, as they could see the children's reactions through LuLu's eyes, and control her in such a way as to incite the most enthusiasm they could (which was a lot). For example, they quickly discovered that smooshing LuLu's giant face up against the glass and having her slobber on it with her tongue universally caused explosions of delighted laughter.

While the Crumpets and LuLu made their rounds, the stage performances were being broadcast to the rooms, so no matter where one was, there was entertainment. Soon Interrogative turned the stage over to the Beets, and they too began making the rounds. 

At this point, the Crumpets took a quick break in one of the waiting areas, giving Tinsley time to think, and she blurted out, "Where is Cho Lu?! I keep hearing about how much fun she is having, but we have yet to see her! Our rookie year is going to be over before I see her again!" 

Jisook grinned mischievously and gave Yena a signal, whereupon she tugged on Tinsley's skirt. Tinsley looked down to see that Yena prancing excitedly and pointing at something behind them. Tinsley looked back to see that Cho Lu was right there, staring at her through the window. Tinsley calmly high-fived Yena and then sprinted toward LuLu.

As you probably have already guessed, Tinsley ran right into the glass and nearly knocked herself out. What you probably haven't guessed is that Yena found this to be quite funny and had a hard time not laughing at her over-wound and clumsy Buttercup. Regardless of Tinsley's injured pride, Jisook included footage of the mishap, showing her running in slow-motion toward Cho Lu with Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You" playing in the background, and then a sudden record-scratch sound when she impacted with the glass.
 
Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo
Having successfully completed "Pinedale Redux" and "Yena's Dream," the time had come to tackle the "Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo" video (or 3BV). While the Crumpets had made a few music videos here and there, they were all essentially just footage of them doing their stage routines. 3BV on the other hand was to be something much grander. Also, because "Bibbity" was a favorite of the Crumpets, but had only peaked at twenty-three on the national charts (mind you, twenty-three is nothing to sneeze at), the girls hoped that it would enjoy a bit of a revival if they were able to pull off a visual masterpiece. 

I won’t bore you with the details of the making of 3BV, but I can tell you it was a tremendous undertaking that challenged the Crumpets on every level. The girls had to work crazy-hard and call in every favor they could. Yulia had to fast-track her physical therapy so she could juggle some rubber chickens (for fundraising), Kari hit Jisook on the nose, Tinsley got grape jelly on Harey, and Sarah lost her graduation ring in the lake. But those are other stories.

Now, let me tell you how 3BV turned out.

The scene starts silently. We fly in, low and slow, over a dark, glassy Scottish loch, heading toward an old castle set atop a bank of cut stone at the far end of the lake. The castle’s tall, slender towers and a milky twilight are mirrored on the lake’s placid surface. On one of the tower’s balconies, Tinsley is standing, looking out across the lake as the wind pushes against her flowing black dress. As we move closer, we see the lake reflected in her eyes, into which we fly, sending us back in the direction of her gaze. Back across the lake, Tabitha is standing on a rocky outcrop. She is humming softly, her arms gently swaying. As she moves, a mist forms at her fingertips, growing into a blanket of fog that, like cream poured into a cup of coffee, begins to flow across the surface of the water. Moving ahead of the mist, we find Sarah playing a violin at the water’s edge. The mist begins to swirl and dance to the charms of her music. On the opposite shore, Yulia is dancing. As she moves, seemingly at her command, a full moon rises. Further down the shore, Analey is singing. At her feet, in the bramble, doves coo softly, while dark ravens take flight and circle in the air. Back across the lake, Kari looks at her reflection on the mirror-like water. She takes a flower from her hair and tosses it into the water, shattering the glassy surface. The moonlight reflected on the ripples sparkles and ignites into a sea of starlight. A magical stage is set for the song to begin.

When the music of the song itself begins Tinsley starts levitating slowly up and off of the balcony. Below, on the stone bank, a glaring of black cats arrive to join the party. Tinsley flies to the middle of the lake and begins slowly spinning, causing the now thick and heavy fog to recede. She rises up in front of the moon and the other Crumpets emerge from the mist to join her. Hovering in a circle, at first facing each other, they each sing their parts as the scene progresses. Floating and singing, the Crumpets rotate to face out toward the forest that surrounds the lake and castle. Through their song, the Crumpets call the creatures of the night to join them. In the shadows of the trees below, things begin to stir. Soon armies of monsters shuffle, crawl, and hop into the clearing around the lake. Dancing in the moonlight, their waving shadows stretch out and disappear into the dark woods. 

The party is in full swing when a group of, shall we say, “muggles” approach. Drawn by the strange lights and music emanating from the forest, they make haste but arrive just in time for the song to end. At the moment when the intruders would come into view of the party, there is a flash and everything goes dark. Ahead of them, a small fire flickers to life, and the muggles simply find six mortal girls sitting around a campfire. A solitary black cat looks back at us before slipping silently into the trees.

In the end, 3BV was a success and “Bibbity” even returned to the charts, spending several weeks in the top ten. The Crumpets had taken a big step forward in their careers and in the process, opened doors for many of the students at Looking Glass to advance their own careers. 

In case you haven’t heard “Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo” before, and I suppose there are a few people who haven’t, here are the lyrics:

Moldering deep and dank, a cryptic hollow the ground below.
Above the night in milky moonlight.
A shadow garden, a spooks delight.
Strange they be, but all are free.
Dancing through the mist filled air, binggeul-binggeul.
Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo.

Cast your spell, none can undo.
Come they will, come they must.
Your eyes like fire catch them quick.
Tickity-tockity, nothing stops the clanking old clockity.
Life's a spark that lights the dark.
Dancing through the mist-filled air, binggeul-binggeul.
Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo.

Cast your spell, none can undo.
To all be fair, to none give grief.
Light the stars and moonlight pale.
Echoed laughter at dawn be still.
Through the glass another side.
Dancing through the mist-filled air, binggeul-binggeul.
Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo.

Cast your spell, none can undo.
To here we belong, to now we are.
Draw with lightning on the dusky sky.
Dreams are reality and reality a dream.
You are once and nevermore, forever and always.
Dancing through the mist-filled air, binggeul-binggeul.
Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo.

Cast your spell, none can undo.
Bibbity-Bobbity-BOO! (This is the part where the lights go out.)

Fan Signing
At long last, it was time to wrap-up the filming of CGTS. For the conclusion, a Gothy Crumpets high-touch fan signing event (their first one ever) was held one afternoon at the ZBC studios. Despite the fact that the vast majority of the fans in attendance would be Lookzens and local Familiars, e.g., mostly well-known faces, the girls were completely amped up about spending several hours signing autographs and meeting with their fans. 

Now you might be thinking, "Of course they were excited; it was three hours of being showered with gifts and attention." While it is true that they were the center of attention, they were also, as is typically the case, “on-duty” and responsible for setting the mood, as well as entertaining the crowd. 

As for gifts, there were none. For security reasons, the kibosh had been put on gift-giving. This restriction was rather disappointing to many of their fans, who expressed their feelings on social media, saying things like, "What? No gifts? How will they remember meeting me?!" and "But how will we show the Crumpets our love?" 

To ease some of this frustration, the girls stayed up half the night before the signing, baking cat, bat, and jack-o-lantern-shaped cookies, which they put into fancy purple gift bags (orange bags for the sugar-free cookies), to give to their fans as a sweet, little surprise.

At the signing, EinBe were given the task of being the events MCs, as well as monitoring the time and keeping the flow going, so that all of the attendees would get a chance to high-five (i.e., high-touch) each Crumpet and get her autograph. Wearing their debut dresses, EinBe introduced the Crumpets to the boisterous crowd. The girls, also wearing their debut outfits, filed onto the stage. 

Standing in front of an enormous picture-banner of themselves, the Crumpets did their IMGT, while their fans took pictures like so many paparazzi. After their obligatory self-introductions, the girls asked the staff to start distributing the cookies they had made the night before. While the cookies were being passed out to the crowd, the girls explained that it was the Crumpets who should be giving gifts as a thank-you, and not the other way around. The fans loved the cookies and greatly appreciated the hard work that the Crumpets had put into trying to make them feel better. Regardless, there was still a bit of lingering sadness about the gift-giving ban, but that aside, the event began with high spirits.

After about twenty minutes of free-form entertainment, the Crumpets went to sit down behind the tables in front of their picture-banner. The girls quickly settled in and Enid walked down the row, handing them bottles of water. EinBe gave them a moment to have a quick drink before they unleashed the first round of anxious fans, but inexplicably none of the Crumpets took a sip. Shrugging it off, Enid gave Bess a nod to announce the start of the signing. Things were going well, the girls were having fun, the fans were having fun (the whole affair was like a friendly conversation between the Crumpets and their Familiar friends), and before they knew it, the time had come for the first break. Enid announced the intermission and Bess told the Crumpets that, if possible, they should visit the privy in small groups so that at least two or three girls were still on stage at all times. But none of them left the table. Rather, they just stood up and stretched a bit whilst still entertaining the audience.

When the second break came and went, and none of the Crumpets took a break, Enid began to become suspicious and looked to see that their water bottles were untouched, furthering her curiosity. Near the end of the break, Analey had a coughing fit and Kari, who was seated next to her, quickly opened a water bottle and handed it to her. At first, Analey refused the water and tried to manage her cough through sheer will. Eventually her dry throat won out, and rather begrudgingly, she took the water and drank some. Despite Analey's strangely cold response, Kari looked quite pleased. Making matters even weirder, and seemingly in response to AnKa's interaction, the crowd ooh-ed as if something big were brewing. Not wanting to seem out of touch, Enid kept her growing suspicions to herself.

Graffiti or Art
When the third and final break came, once again, at first anyway, the girls stayed on stage. 

About a minute into the break, Analey, who had been prancing around a bit, suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, the heck with it, I am going to the stupid restroom!" 

As she left, she gave Kari, who was grinning mischievously, a harsh look before darting off to the privy. Once again, the crowd ooh-ed. A security guard at the edge of the stage, who also happened to be a Familiar, watched Analey until she reached the bathroom door, whereupon he looked over at the remaining Crumpets and gave them a thumbs-up. Having been given the all-clear, the girls, in full beagle-mode, with permanent markers in hand, suddenly attacked their picture-banner, defacing Analey's image with a handlebar moustache, Frankenstein stitches, a black eye, and devil horns.

While the Crumpets’ mischief was unfolding, shocked and horrified, EinBe looked around to find that the crowd, even including Dean Eobseo and Jisook, seemed to be quietly encouraging this act of vandalism. At one point, they even heard someone in the crowd loudly whisper, "This is so cool!" 

Suddenly the security guard gave a signal that Analey was returning. Immediately everyone, except EinBe, who were just gaping, returned to “normal” mode, with Sarah pretending to be telling one of her signature awkward, totally irrelevant, and yet delightfully charming stories.

When Analey walked up next to the security guard, she patted him on the shoulder and said, "I forgive you," whereupon she rounded the corner and tried to return to her spot, feigning that she hadn't noticed the new look her picture had been given. Naturally, Analey didn't get two steps onto the stage before the crowd gave her a standing ovation.

Still shook and gawking, Enid suddenly let out a rather strange noise, something like a squeaking, burble-snort, but weirder. Managers with microphones can be rather awkward things, and the crowd respond to Enid's sound with laughter, resulting in a layer of embarrassment adding to the burden of her confusion. 

Even though this was Analey's big moment, she could see the distress that Enid was experiencing, and she suddenly ran over to her and gave her a hug, saying, "Manager-nim, it is okay. I knew they were going to do this." 

Despite Analey's best efforts, Enid still looked like someone had just hit her over the head with a frying pan, prompting Tabitha to say, "It looks like our managers need some clarification. Sarah, you are in storytelling mode. Would you do the honors?"

Sarah stepped forward and took Bess by the hand whilst waving for Enid to come over as well. Analey handed Enid over to Sarah and they sat down on some chairs that Tinsley and Kari had moved over. As if they were sitting around a campfire, Sarah began her story:

“When SNSD had fan signings, none of the members dared to leave the stage for fear that the other members would draw on their pictures and defile their image. It's a tradition. So we, their humble juniors, must also suffer holding our bladders to the breaking point, whereupon we will be forced to sacrifice our image and thus become even closer to the great ones. Therefore, this picture-banner of us shall be hung at GlassTastic in CrumpetCorner, and be reused at our fan signings until all of the Crumpets eventually succumb to their bladders, are thus besmirched, and earn their wings.”

EinBe stared blankly at Sarah, waiting for more. When nothing came, Enid said, "So this is actually a positive moment for Analey, you all want to be besmirched, and you have been planning on this all the while?" 

Sarah patted Enid's hand. "Yes, she has now been publicly smirched, we all want to be smirched, and we have always known that this would be the case if we ever had a fan signing."

Enid was speechless so Bess piped up, "So why was Analey so reluctant to leave the room? I mean, if her leaving was how she would be besmirched...smirched...whatever it is, why hold it? And furthermore, how did seemingly everyone but Enid and I know about this?" 

Sarah smiled wistfully and shook her head. "Oh, Bess, it wouldn't count if we left our images undefended because we were only pretending to have a critical moment. As for how everyone knew, you really must watch more SNDS content, as their fan signing, image-besmirchment shenanigans are well-known." Sarah then looked out at the crowd and said, "Am I right? This is common knowledge, yes?" 

The audience, quickly and in unison, shouted back, "Yes!"

Being Smirched
Bess looked at Enid and asked her if she had known about smirching. When Enid answered, "No," EinBe hung their heads in shame. 

"We have failed you. We...are not worthy managers," Bess lamented. 

Sarah patted EinBe on their heads and said, "No, it is we who have failed you. But I think we can fix that." When EinBe looked up, they saw that the Crumpets had gathered around them and that the girls were all brandishing black eyeliner pens. Intuitively the managers knew what they must do. Standing up and facing the audience, they patiently allowed the girls to paint their faces. 

Just as they started, someone in the crowd (who turned out to be Ava, who apparently had really studied up on K-Pop before signing the lease on GlassTastic) shouted, "Give them the TWICE prank look! SNSD is for the banner." 

The Crumpets all turned and cooed, "Excellent idea." When they realised that the suggestion had come from Ava, they all flashed her heart signs and shouted, "Daebak Ava!" 

With that, Tinsley said, "Okay, what say we give Bess a Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Sana-esque smirching?" 

Kari replied, "Awsom, Enid gets the Tzuyu, Jihyo, and Momo treatment."

Despite having no idea what any of this really meant, EinBe allowed their images and dignity to be defiled. Once a lot of eyeliner had been used, and Bess and Enid were sufficiently smirched, the Crumpets presented them to the crowd, who signaled their approval with applause and laughter. 

The crowd's reaction, while not unexpected, sent Enid into panic mode and Bess went for her bag to get a mirror and assess the damage. 

Catching Bess by the arm, Tabitha said, "Oh no, you can't look now. We are running over on time."

As the girls headed to their seats, it became evident from their demeanor that most of their bladders were starting to reach critical mass and were in need of a trip to the privy. Despite the time-crunch, the crowd, in support of their idols’ dreams, but very respectful of the private nature of the situation, began shouting things like, "We have plenty of time!" and "Your comfort is all we care about!" 

Finally Tabitha looked to EinBe, and as hard as it was to take them seriously, looking the way they did, she dutifully waited for the nod before giving her Crumpets a privy pass. The girls (excluding Sarah and Analey) quickly trotted off, leaving their images to the mercy of AnSa. 

Analey looked at Sarah and said, "You don't need to go?" 

Sarah replied, "Pfft, this is nothing compared to the Major Malfunction potty emergency. I could hold out for another two hours. Besides, there is just too much smirching for one Crumpet to handle alone.”

Established October 2015   ​All Rights Reserved 

Established October 2015   ​All Rights Reserved